Sunday, October 5, 2014

Open Heart

Just how dangerous is an Open Heart?...

As i was talking (Through SMS)  with Mr. Traveller. he confessed that he has never had any same sex relationship and that he is not sure of what he is. I felt like a dagger was pierced through my heart and my hands were shaking. suddenly all of my fears started to come back.

“It can’t be!.... it just can’t be… why does this always happen to me? do i have sign stuck in my forehead that says “Confuse people are welcome here!” its another Mr. Complicated series waiting to happen… i was barely able to come out alive the last time.. will i be so lucky this time?

Fear, Confusion, self pity visited me last night and i barely slept… i kept thinking.."what have i gotten myself into?  i really like the person… F*ck!!

Could it be since i was slowly healing my wounds with Mr. Complicated that i became too complacent in terms of guarding my heart. There is that old saying in our culture that the best way for the wound to heal is to remove the bandage and let it air out.. Maybe that's what my heart did… to hasten the healing process open the heart and air out the wound.
Unfortunately it didn’t quite work as plan.. that an Open Heart is a dangerous thing.

I have to close it back again before its too late… i am not sure when i will open it back again.. in the next year or the next 5 years.. all i know is that unless i am 100% sure i won't risk it.

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