Just when I thought

Just when I thought I was free from his spell over me…
I was single and Yes,Quiet happy…

Then I got a message from a friend…
That He is seeing an old friend of mine..
Suddenly.. after I heard the news..

These feelings started to appear out of nowhere…
Love, Jealousy, Hate, Hope
It started to pile up and rise from the depths of my heart
With nowhere to go except in to my eyes…
all these mixed emotions suddenly materialized as it was about to go out...
It became tears…

Just when I thought… i was done with this chapter of my life
But it seems that I am lingering still
Hoping that by doing so…Another page will suddenly appear
That could change the outcome…

Just when I thought that the storm was over.. I realized that the sunshine I felt was it’s eye…

Just when I thought I could start to rebuilt my life after that earthquake that rocked my world to the core.. and Aftershock came…

Just when I thought…

But I know the time will come that I can say that the storm has past or the earthquake is over...
Until such time i have to be strong.. and use this time to love myself more...

Like what the story "Missing Piece meets the Big O"...
I can use this time to liftpullflopliftpullflop... until i become whole.

The Longest Hour

"It was the longest hour of my life, were i have to smile and pretend to be happy, while deep inside i was slowly crying"

After our whole day orientation in my new company, and after eating areound 1/4 of the rice and a lot for fruits and veggie’s for almost a week (Need to Start eating Healthy).

I suddenly felt the urge to eat some greasy and yummy chicken.. KFC perhaps?!
Pulled out my sun cellular phone...

Po: Gwen.. Were you? What you doing now?
G: I just got home, I roamed the street endlessly to tire myself so when i got home i would sleep immediately.
Po: Huh?! What's wrong with you?
G: I don't really want to talk about it.
Po: Ok. Next time then..

Thinking, What the hell ill just continues with my Fat free diet...

G: By the way.. Pooh also texted me. He will be going to SM to eat something.
Po: OK. I really don't have his number (Yes! I deleted his number!)
G: Oh don't worry i texted him that you are also going to SM.
Po: Ok (Secretly Smiling)

We were about to take a tour of the facilities with my new company when my Globe phone vibrated..
After we exchanged a couple of text messages; i suddenly found myself talking to pooh.
Pooh as charming as ever with his big smile, making his eye disappear even with his glasses on.
So we went to KFC and eat dinner ( as always we couldn’t decide were we will eat so picked the nearest one).
I really was not after the Food but i was slowly testing myself.. Am i really over him and ready to move on..

We talked a lot about life in general.
People we know and how his work is and he asked me in return how my work is.
It was the longest hour of my life, were i have to smile and pretend to be happy, while deep inside i was slowly crying. Yet i didn’t make it obvious in my face, for the first time I wore a mask to hide how I truly felt. I have always been a very open and straight forward person so it was very hard for me.

He went ahead because he has a online game tournament he has to attend at around 8pm.
I suddenly found myself staring at the empty seat, his seat right in front of for 20 minutes.
Tears were already building up i was about to burst into crying.
But i made sure to get a hold of myself…
At that moment I don’t even care were I am, I was thankful that I had sufficient strength to hold back my tears.

I suddenly found myself getting drunk with my friends in Mango... I just want to escape and forget that it ever happened.. My friends were there to comfort me and give me a hug. Finally I ended up crying in Mango in front of my friends.. I just have to let it out.. for my own sanity sake.

even if its the party place in cebu, i really didnt care..

Lesson on Emotional Attachment

“Getting emotionally attached to someone can sometimes make us forget that we still have a life to live” –A. Perez

It usually starts with him asking me how I am or how my day is…
That how it usually starts, a simple hi and hello and how’s work


With just that….my entire defense, the “Berlin Wall” that I have created to shield myself from him. The “Angat Damn” that I built to control the flowing of my tears will both seize to exist.


Suddenly in no time I found myself back to square one; Broken, Sad and Depressed.


So I decided to post a question on my Facebook in a form of a status…




Among the many responses I got from this post, only one got my attention and made me realize something. It came from the most unlikely person;


A former agent of mine;

“Getting emotionally attached to someone can sometimes make us forget that we still have a life to live” –A. Perez

This literally stopped me in my tracks and then I reached an almost enlightened phase
Yes! I was so busy thinking about him that I almost forgot that I do have a life to live.
We became so engrossed with the other person, or wasted a lot of our time.
Being Depressed, Sleeping it off, getting drunk or just plainly feeling sorry for ourselves that we forgot to live our lives.
We only have one life and we better make the most out of it!


When I was young, my mom always told not to be selfish and consider how other people would feel before you make a decision or an action. Will this time I would have to say

“I’m Sorry Mom, this time I will be selfish! I will put my feelings first for now!”

So I made a decision to change my life, I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I wasted a great chunk of my life feeling sad for myself. I won’t!

Cattski: MY TURN

Another Cattski Classic! MY TURN is actually a balad… and the one thing I liked about it is about Reconciliation and finding a way some how make it up to the person he loved dearly… My favorite line is the chorus

“It's for me to know that i walked away
Ignoring your tears
Now it's my turn to Love you
It’s written in the stars
I'll make up for the day i broke your heart
Now that I've found you
Love's what i owe you
Ill make up for the day i broke your heart”

This Song is dedicated to someone... who for the lack of a better term.. I owe Love
and hoping that someday.. He will give me that chance to Love Him and mend both our broken hearts..
(Pooh this is for you..)

Below is the Music Video and it took the liberty of transcribing the lyrics.. ENJOY!

My Turn

It doesn’t really matter
who found who
if you found me or if i found you
the questions are answered
Holes are filled
the Truth is revealed
and it doesn’t really matter
What we've both been through
Cause I’m a better me and your a better you
and you're quick to forgive me
As i apologize, I saw it in your eyes

There's a reason why now you are here
After all of those years
It's for me to know that i walked away
Ignoring your tears
Now it's my turn to Love you
it's written in the stars
I'll make up for the day i broke your heart
Now that I've found you
Love's what i owe you
Ill make up for the day i broke your heart

And all that really matters
now that I'm here, Now i can heal
From the pain we had to go through
For just one mistake
And everything we had to take

There's a reason why now you are here
After all of those years
It's for me to know that i walked away
ignoring your tears
Now it's my turn to Love you
it's written in the stars
I'll make up for the day i broke your heart
Now that I've found you
Love's what i owe you
Ill make up for the day..

I’m not gonna take you away
from the world that you know
Not gonna take you away
From the life that you know.. oh whoah..

Now it's my turn to Love you
it's written in the stars
I'll make up for the day i broke your heart
Now that I've found you
Love's what i owe you
Ill make up for the day i broke your heart

Cause its my turn to love you with all my heart

A Letter to Pooh

Pooh ~

First of all I want to say,

Thank you for making me smile even when I felt the whole world was against me
Thank you being there when I was all alone, abandon by the world
Thank you for the being a not just my partner, but my mentor, colleague and confidant
Thank you for the care and attention that you have given me unconditionally
Thank you for reminding me who I am and what I am. That I do what I do not to please other people but to please myself
Thank you for remembering every monthsary and even our anniversary even if we are no longer together for almost 8 months.

I promised myself that something, if you have grown up then I will surely find my way back home to you. Then, one day while we were talking and texting, I found out that you have indeed grown up. Yet, at the back of my mind I was still scared.

I was scared to admit that I was still in love with you and that you have even out grown me in more ways than one.
“I loved you for 8 months, I have just been to scared and arrogant to realize it”

I was putting myself out there, going on dates and meeting new friends. But some how it never worked out with them, Then I finally realized one thing;
They could never surpass the one man I measure them against, and that’s you.

I found it hard to accept, that when I decided to walk my way home to you. You already have someone else there. I guess the parable of the prodigal son that we read in the bible was just an “Ideal” Scenario.

I fought a good fight, I can honestly say that. I know it was hard for you to decide between me and Rabbit, especially when I caused you so much pain and anguish. But then you have made your choice, Even if it’s not me I respect it.
I was hurt but then at the same time I am happy that you have finally opened your heart to someone else.

I wish you both nothing but the best in your relationship, I know you will work things out. I will always be here for you as a friend.

Thank you Pooh and Goodbye

Love,

~Po